Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Let's Celebrate "Show Not Tell"

For the final campaign challenge from Rach Writes and the Platform Building Campaign, we were given the following:
Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:
  • that it’s morning, 
  • that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach
  • that the MC (main character) is bored
  • that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting
  • that something surprising happens.
Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: "synbatec," "wastopaneer," and "tacise."   (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them).

So, let's get on with it, shall we? Enjoy..... 

The Other Side

"I didn't think I would ever witness the sky light up with a new day." Thoughts of the storm crashed through her.

"I know, me either. Nice swimming, by the way." He whispered in his usual synbatec tone, making her warm with security.

A thick heat spread across them with the climbing of the sun. She sighed. The tacise of the sand cut through her skirt, now drenched. Water rushing to the shore should emit peace. Here, the tide mocked, pulling away bits of sanctuary.

“How long do you think it will be before we’re missed?” She blurted into the lengthy quiet. The maddening silence ended.

“A while.” His face flushed red, and sweat popped out across his forehead.

“Are you sick? Is that horrible stench getting to you?” she fanned her nose and breathed a few shallow quick breaths. “What is that?”

They stood investigating the small area, discovering just beyond them the partially eaten swollen animal. “Oh my no!” She screamed not able to take her eyes from the jagged blood stained teeth. “The Wastopaneers are real!”

His stomach rebelled as the heavy air filled his nostrils. An acidic swallow produced a cold wet clamminess across his neck.

“The stories. They’re real.” She hushed her words. “We won’t make it here will we?”

Reality hammered into his mind. “Don’t you know?” He laughed.

“Oh, do be quiet. They’ll come. They’ll come, and we won’t be able to fight them off.” She closed the distance between them, broken shells splintering into her feet.

“If there’s truth to the stories, and this,” he pointed stepping back, as not to fill his lungs again with heated air of rot, “this THING is dead….”

Her eyes widened.

Stepping to him and sliding her hand into his, she whispered. “Then so….. are we?”


I'm #23 in the challenge, so pop on over, scroll down, and "like" my post. Looking forward to reading all the entries!


  1. Very atmospheric. I love the creepy ending!

    Mine is #25.

  2. Great job! Wonderful imagery and nice ending... it leaves me wanting to read more!!

    (I'm entry #5)

  3. Very nice! I wanted to go, "Dun, dun, dunnnn!" at the end. :)

  4. Ooo, love the ending. Great description in this piece. Way to tackle the challenge!

  5. Very nicely done, def wanted to turn the page! ;)

  6. Scary! How do they get out of this one? Nice job. :)

  7. Very Nice. You did very well describing things and I like that the wastopaneer are creatures. Good job.

  8. Oh Vanessa I loved it soooo creepy:)

  9. This is good. The way you've used them the fake words may actually start being used by others--they make sense it context.

    Tossing It Out
    Please see my guest post at:
    So You Want to be a Writer?

  10. Uh oh! They're in grave danger.*shudders* How on earth are they going to make it out in one piece? Would love to know...
    (Mine is no.#47)

  11. I like how you gave the words meanings and you wove them in so well, I believe them. ;) Great descriptions, too.

  12. Nicely done and you did a good job with the made up words too. Mine is #56

  13. That was a tense final entry. I would have loved some character names, but I still got into this real easy. Once again, great job! :)

  14. I did not see that coming! Well done :)

  15. the story grabbed me right off the bat. and I love the line "the tide mocked, pulling away bits of sanctuary". good job!

  16. Loved the surprise ending! Great job:) I'm #65.

  17. Scary. Nicely done. Hope the wastopaneer doesn't get me.

    mood (now following)
    Moody Writing

  18. I didn't see that coming. Nice job!

  19. I thought I already commented, but I don't see it, so if this is a double post, I'm sorry!!!! -->

    I loved the " broken shells splintering into her feet" line; such a wonderful turn of phrase. Nice writing!